Paying attention to our thoughts
Powerlessness, anxiety, perfectionism, comparisons, self-doubt, self-hate, self-blame, good/not good mother/father, son/daughter, high/no expectations, not good enough, too fat, too thin, too shy are all the thoughts generated by listening to the inner critic.
We mistakenly think that if we were richer, thinner, more talented, smarter, more successful, could do more, then our lives would be better. All of these voices make us feel bad about ourselves and hopeless about our dreams – if we still have any. These inner voices frequently run our lives and make decisions for us.
You cannot argue with a critical voice, so we pretend mostly. We pretend to be strong, able, smart, clever, having it “together”, not having it “together”. We create survival strategies and techniques to make us look good/bad (we would create looking bad so we could be pitied and discounted and no one would bother us) and then we think that we are those people we are making up.
But, truly it never feels authentic. There is always a level of fear associated with being found out. Our energy is spent maintaining that persona and what gets lost or dissipates is our strength and access to our true abilities. We can’t be seen if we are projecting this personality that comes from these critical inner voices. That voice will stop us from creating something magical in our lives because it says we’re foolish to think we can and so we don’t. The voice is in charge of what we have to show for our lives.
The degree to which we can silence these voices is the degree to which we can participate in the world. Now there are people who make beaucoup bucks by giving you a strategy to follow and, like a diet, it might work for a while. What I notice about my most successful clients is that strategies are only helpful when they come from your own experience and when they are personal to you.
To begin to dismantle the inner critic we need to pay attention to our thoughts. How often do we stop and look to see if the responses we are having in this moment now are true in this moment? Or are they voices and responses that we’ve been dragging around since childhood in similar situations? The inner critic is allergic to acceptance and love and those are the keys to silencing it. When we love ourselves unconditionally and accept that as humans we are fallible, vulnerable and emotional, then we can access the truth that we are also creative, powerful, inspired Beings.
So, my questions for you are:
What does your inner critic say to you?
How does your inner critic run your life?
How would you express yourself if you weren’t listening to that critic?
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