A completion is a thing of beauty when we intend, commit and enjoy its unfolding!

This is my 25^th and final article for the Salida Citizen. It has been a pleasure being one of the “Voices” that lived and thrived in our small community. I will be moving to Asheville, NC this week and the whole process has brought up lots of opportunities to look at, assess and appreciate my time here.

What I have learned from living in different countries all over the world for brief periods of time is how important it is to create a completion with the place and the people before moving on. It’s kind of like a recap of everything.  Back in the 70’s I did a recapitulation of my entire life because Carlos Castaneda explained how valuable and life enhancing it is to be complete with the past. And it was, so each birthday I go over the past year and exhale all of the energies that were left with me and on the inhale bring back to me the energy that I left out in the world interacting with people and just living life.. It’s a very potent exercise that creates inner peace, awareness and more vitality.

When we move on without acknowledging the contribution that people and places have made to us – because we are either focused on our future or just doing what needs to be done to make the move happen – we miss out on one of the finer experiences we can know. For example, the mountains that surround Salida have protected and nurtured me in many ways and I am thrilled when I look out and see them each day. They have provided  continuity – along with the river – the parks and nature in general – that has fed my spirit. Working at Free the Monkey has allowed me to meet and know many local people and many from around the USA and even the world. It provided a certain kind of wealth in laughter, love and process. I learned many things in Salida that have contributed to my expansion – like being a DJ at KHEN or teaching tango to our community. My son Alex and his family are here in Salida and I have been able to enjoy sharing in their lives.

I also look at the times or the people that were challenging and difficult, so I can learn what I need to know from them and let go of any emotions that they may still trigger in me. Doing this requires intention and presence. The mind will always want to keep the status quo and it takes commitment to your Self to go beyond the drama and the story of whatever happened. When I leave here I do not want to be dragging anything around with me that does not serve me. A completion is a thing of beauty when we intend, commit and enjoy its unfolding!

Thank you Salida for contributing to my life and being one of the great joys of my journey!!

What was really interesting to me is that I had a judgment that I am just too old to be feeling confused about my life and who I am. I remember feeling confused as a teenager, as a mother and wife and in lots of work/career situations, but have not felt that way for a very long time. I have to say it is humbling. Maybe it is because it had been so long since I felt that way that it seemingly took forever (another judgment) to move into clarity? Confusion takes your energy and life force from you and most times we don’t even realize when it is happening. It’s insidious, because, by its very nature, confusion creates a feeling of insecurity and we frequently don’t even realize when it is happening. I realized it only because I am attuned to my feelings as indicators of what I am thinking. When we are in confusion we don’t know what to think about the situation, so most times we wait expecting it to clear up on its own. Ha Ha. Doesn’t happen.

Confusion generally means we don’t know what exactly is going on in a situation. It’s amorphous and seems bigger than our ability to handle it. So, I took the fast track. I spoke to my coach who asked me the questions I needed to hear to identify what exactly was going on and what I really was feeling and wanted to do about it. But for everyone who doesn’t have a coach I thought about what is needed to make the breakthrough to clarity.

The first thing is to realize you are confused. Once you do that the next thing is to identify what you are feeling confused about – relations, work or any situation in which you appear to be struggling. After you have done this ask yourself what you want to experience or achieve. Find out what is missing. Pay attention to the thoughts you are having that keep the confusion going. We frequently get addicted to confusion – it’s a good excuse for not having to do anything about a situation. When you are conscious of what you are thinking that sabotages your ability to create movement, then you will be able to begin to think the thoughts about what you truly want that will generate freedom from the confusion.

Coaching questions:

1. What is your life like when you feel confused?

2. What’s your strategy for resolution?

3. How long are you willing to let a situation go on before you act and does this work for you?

I can be reached at coachingwithsiama@yahoo.com for any help you may need.

Originally in the 70’s when I began, I had three young children and no time to devote to sitting. But I did make time to learn and practice tai chi chuan. I couldn’t still my mind then, but I could slowly but surely pay attention to each movement I was making as I played tai chi. I became aware of each breath and where my attention was in each action I was performing. Being present with every movement was how I began to understand awareness. My mind became one pointed. Of course that didn’t just happen. It took years of practice. Meditation of any kind takes practice. It means that you have to commit to doing it by scheduling it into your day, like anything else you might value or want to learn.

Why meditate? For me it is a way to stop all the internal chatter that goes on and on and to watch the kinds of things my mind loves to get involved with. I see how all my suffering is mentally generated and when I notice my thoughts I then get to choose whether or not I am willing to let them have an effect or influence on me.

In Jaipur I did a Vipassana retreat for 12 days with 70 other people. There was no talking, reading, making eye contact, writing anything or leaving. The first two days were hell. All I wanted to do was leave, but I gave them my passport and my money, so I wasn’t going anywhere. We began sitting at 5 AM and sat for 8-10 hours every day. By the third day I settled down and by the end of the 12^th day I didn’t want to leave. Meditating in a group is a dynamic experience. It is one of the few times in life that we share energy with lots of other people in a very unique way – through silence and awareness.

Life coaching is about being supported in making changes that contribute to the quality of your life. Meditation does contribute to the quality of life by creating an awareness of how the mind operates and how to quiet it from intruding on your inner peace. I don’t teach mediation, but I do know how to coach and ask the questions that put you in touch with the answers I know you have about your life and the changes you want to make.

Questions:

1. How do you quiet your mind when you are stressed out?

2. How much time and energy do you spend each day involved in your life’s drama?

3. If you could change something about the quality of your life, what would it be?

For a free sample life coaching session write me at:  HYPERLINK “mailto:coachingwithsiama@yahoo.com” coachingwithsiama@yahoo.com.

Siama will be taking a summer break and will return to writing her article in October.  We hope she has an incredible time.-Citizen team

When I stopped to think about it I realized how frequently we blame others for our reactions to a situation. It doesn’t matter what the story is. It could be about corrupt CEO’s or politicians, global warming caused by greed, who’s responsible for the lousy economy, war and terrorism, our daughter’s wayward husband etc. etc. If we assign blame to someone then it seems as if we are justified in our reactions.

The interesting thing is how we all have been conditioned to use our emotions to rationalize, excuse and defend our behavior. If we feel it, then it seems as if we have a right and sometimes even a duty, to respond or act in a certain way. I am not just referring to what some people call “negative” emotions, like hatred, but also we feel to be motivated to action by “positive” emotions, like love.

What are emotions? When I was in India a guru told me that, “Emotions are reactions to fields of energy.” I didn’t really understand it fully then, but the more I thought about it and observed it in myself and others, the more I came to realize the truth of what he said. The kid on the floor was expressing himself and everyone was reacting to that energy. When he got up from the floor it was over for him, but it definitely was not over for the people who had been watching. They made themselves uncomfortable and blamed him and the mom for what they were feeling and didn’t let it go, like the child did.

We live in a playground of creation and what we experience is what we’ve created. It takes a courageous person to own their creations and their emotions.

My questions for you are:

1. What situations create strong emotions and reactions in you?

2. Do you justify and how do you justify what you feel?

3. What would it be like to let the story go and start fresh as soon as you notice that your emotions are causing you to react strongly about something? Try it!

For a free sample life coaching session write me at: coachingwithsiama@yahoo.com.

If we want to grow a garden we know that it requires certain steps. It just does not happen by itself. Taking control of your life is very much like creating a garden. We decide that we want food and flowers and, in the same way, we decide that we want control in our lives in an area where we are feeling out of control. It’s a choice, as is everything we do or don’t do. We have to make a choice for change in order to get the results we want. For a life coach that means asking questions:

1. What choices have you made in the past that have kept you from your goals?
2. How will you feel if time keeps going by and you haven’t taken control of your life?

State the choice to take control of your life as a goal right now. Then list all of the obstacles that you feel stand in your way to making changes. For example: your boss is treating you unfairly, your spouse has too many expectations about your contribution to the family, your job is too demanding, you are tired and there is no time to do what you want to do. It’s endless. Nevertheless identify them all. It’s like digging holes – no fun, but sometimes you may need to dig in order to move on with a project.

Then after knowing all the things that stand in your way you can list the actions that need to take place to resolve the obstacles. I will speak to my boss and tell him why I am feeling this way. I will speak to my wife/husband regarding what I am capable of right now and the contribution I can and will make to the family. I promise to go to bed a half hour earlier so that I get more rest. These are some ideas for action. A life coach helps you identify and organize these thoughts and create a workable action plan so that you can get results faster.

Life feels out of control when we are not paying attention to what is happening or we are ignoring all of the signs that indicate a change needs to take place. Coaching happens over the phone. In a half hour session the client decides what he/she wants to accomplish during that time. The coach listens and they may brainstorm together to create the action plan for the week

Questions:

• Where are you feeling out of control in your life?
• Identify everything that stands in your way to making changes.
• What actions can you take to resolve the obstacles?

For a free sample life coaching session write: coachingwithsiama@yahoo.com

Moving from a store or a city or state to another place requires effort – mentally, physically and emotionally. There are many, many reasons to make a choice to move. We do it for business, family, health, growth, excitement, boredom etc. Our state of mind and our thoughts make or break the ease with which we do this. If we are worried, tense, not sleeping and getting rest, eating poorly because we are busy then there will be lots of drama, miscommunications and unnecessary problems.

Even though we may look forward to and be excited about the change, it does not necessarily mean that it will be easy. You can always count on the unexpected happening. You have everything planned, have expectations about how things will go, then voila, something else happens. People do not always do what they say they will do or show up when needed. Then again, when we are unattached, great surprises and unanticipated gifts occur, which happily surprise us.

The trickless trick of course is staying present. I know that I say this in almost every article I have written in the last couple of years, but the truth of the matter is that when we are in this moment nothing else exists and we are free to improvise and create in a way that we can’t when we have things set in our minds. If we use our life force being disappointed, angry or frustrated by unexpected situations, it’s a travesty and a waste of our precious resources.

Many times you have heard the axiom “people never change”. In my experience as a life coach I know that that is not a true statement. People change whenever they truly want to. Sometimes it takes illness or death to create change, but that is not what is required. What is required is honoring the heart’s desire to live life in a way that fulfills you and creates connection to all that is sacred to you. Sometimes that is exactly why we make a change or move. And it’s a good thing!

Where is the movement or non-movement in your life?
What change needs to take place that will allow you to live more fully and express who you are in all that you do?
What is your relationship to change and stands in your way to making one?

I can be reached for a free sample coaching session at: HYPERLINK “mailto:coachingwithsiama@yahoo.com” coachingwithsiama@yahoo.com

For some it has created so much difficulty and pain that it alters the very way they think of themselves and their abilities. Shame is accompanied by feeling worthless and when people are not meeting their own needs and the needs of the family they judge themselves harshly. They question their self-worth and frequently get stuck in the drama that they are living. It’s a challenge to move on and let the story go. What they see are the limitations and constrictions of the situation.

Well, how do you move on when you are stuck and the problem seems like it’s greater than your ability to handle it? As a coach, it’s my responsibility to my client to support them in embracing whatever is happening in their lives. That is first. They don’t have to like it, but they do have to acknowledge and own it. Lots of times people don’t move on because they are invested in being a victim of the circumstances. But the truth is there are no accidents.  The fastest way out of a challenge after accepting and embracing it is to just keep quiet for a while. Saying, “yes” to whatever shows up – be it positive or negative – creates a balance between the two polar opposites.

Then, in the silence come the new ideas and possibilities. We can’t hear the solutions when we are stuck running the problems over and over in our minds. One of my first spiritual teachers told me to be grateful for everything that happens in life because it serves to awaken you. That is a powerful way to meet life. Challenges serve our growth, can lead us in new directions and deepen our appreciation for our courage to live a passionate and fulfilling life.

Questions:

What is the challenge in your life right now?

Can you accept, embrace it and be willing for it to change?

Homework: sit quietly and be open to new information that comes in the silence. Pay attention to what you hear and see when you are out in the world. At the end of the day write down what happened.

Be patient and kind to yourself.

I can be reached for a free sample coaching session at:

coachingwithsiama@yahoo.com

When I have a new client one of the first things we discuss is where they are in different areas of their lives and where they want to be. I give them a chart with several categories and they assess where they are in each category rating it from 1-10. The categories are, health, money, career, personal growth, physical environment, fun and recreation, friends and family and significant other (romance). It’s a powerful tool to become aware of where you are in the moment in your life. Frequently my clients are shocked or surprised when they do this exercise, mostly because they’ve never taken the time to look at their lives specifically in this way.

When we actually bring our awareness to these subjects, it is very empowering. It’s a way to show us what is mattering in our lives in the moment and how we spend our time and resources. Once a client rates each of these categories they can then decide which ones need attention and focus. From there we begin to look at goals: goals for one year, five years and ten years. Having a goal in each of these areas allows us to expand and bring out our best in achieving them.

For example, say you own a small business and want to expand it.  It doesn’t just happen all by itself. It takes a certain kind of focus, intention and commitment to achieve expansion. This is true in all of the above areas. In terms of a business I would ask my client to write down specific goals that she/he wants to see happen in the coming year. This is a very powerful exercise, because it allows us to become aware of and decide how we will use our energy and resources. It brings to the forefront many options and paths we can take to achieve our business goals. It may mean learning things we don’t know in this moment, or hiring someone to teach us these things. It also could mean investing in new equipment or moving to a place that will meet the expanding needs of the business.

Having goals to focus on is important. Frequently I ask my clients to write down their goals and put the list up in places where they can see them several times a day – the bathroom mirror, the car, the fridge etc. Visualizing your goals is also an empowered way to achieve them. Making a vision board for your business can make a huge difference in what you achieve. It not only gives you concrete mental pictures, but is also inspires your choices by stirring up your energies and excitement about what is happening.

My requests and questions are:

• Make an assessment of where you are in each of these categories: health, money, career, personal growth, physical environment, fun and recreation, friends and family and significant other (romance). 1 being the low and 10 being the high.
• What are your goals in each area for this year?
• What will you do to achieve them?

I can be reached at coachingwithsiama@yahoo.com for any help you may need.

Even before the dance begins, sitting with the women, waiting to be asked to dance can be a learning experience. The men on the other side of the room will look at a woman who they want to dance with and give a nod, or raise their eyebrows. You answer back with a nod of your own and then you wait. You wait for him to make his way across the room to escort you onto the floor. Sometimes in my excitement to dance I stand up and move toward the man asking – as he moves by me and holds his hand out to the woman sitting behind me. Embarrassing? Definitely. But it also gives me an opportunity to notice my reactivity and how invested I am in looking/feeling like a fool.

Once you actually are on the floor, you dance a “tanda” or a set of three tangos (about 9 minutes) with this partner. You know nothing about him and he knows nothing about you. Unlike ballroom dancing, the Argentine tango has no set moves, which means that as a follower you never have any idea of what will be asked of you. Being in the mystery takes a certain amount of courage. It requires waiting, which for an American woman is not always easy. We think we know what is going to happen, anticipate where we think we are going, and then move before we are led. Just think about all of the times in life that we act without actually having all the information we need for making a good choice. It’s a learning experience and can be humbling.

Argentine tango is popular all over the world. I have danced with men from many different countries. You don’t’ need to speak their language or know anything about them. As soon as you get into the embrace you learn something about them. When the music begins the first dance is usually one of getting use to each other and what level of dancer you have chosen. Does he feel the music, have a certain level of technique, feel comfortable enough in himself to become one – energetically – with you?  The tango is a very intimate dance. There is nothing sexual being transmitted; yet it is most profoundly tantric and sensual when there is a connection to the music and each other. Leaders can be fun, lyrical, serious, sad and express all emotions through the dance. The same goes for followers. When you have experience and become a good dancer, the follower can become the leader, especially if the leader is open to following. It’s very subtle and joyful. Like any good partnership it requires good listening.

It also requires being present. Recently in California I was asked to dance by a young man. I had just arrived and it was my first dance. The music started and he didn’t.. I thought, what is going on with this guy? Then I realized how still he was and that I was the one who was not present with him. As soon as I realized this I began to breathe with him and get present to the music and myself. Then the dance began. I could have felt foolish or had many other reactions, but I was just grateful that he waited for me.

I could go on and on about how the tango is like my life, but essentially, like life, the magic of the tango is in the mystery. When we are willing not to have the answers and have the patience to allow life to unfold before us, we are released from our fears and all that matters is being present to what is happening now – in this moment.

My questions for you are:

1. Where in life do you rush ahead and act without waiting for all the information?
2. When you are with your partner/friend/child how often do you think you know what they will say without waiting for them to say it?
3. Where does the magic live in your life?

–

Do you want to dance?  The popularity of dance in our little corner of world is skyrocketing, with numerous groups and business focused purely on this active form of art. The Salida Citizen’s calendar picks up feeds from Arkansas Valley Music and Dance as well as other resources in the area, providing a comprehensive view of where the music and dance events are.  It can even help you find out when and where you can learn to dance or improve your existing moves . – ss

Now that we are in the midst of the holiday season, I’ve noticed a big change in how people are being. It’s like a fog has descended and everyone is rushing around, with lots of things to do and the belief that there isn’t enough time for everything. Tempers get short, money flows out at a faster rate, which creates anxiety, to do lists are never-ending and no one seems to be having any fun. I don’t know, but I have the feeling that it is this way all over America.

It seems as if we miss the opportunity to be together in celebration of this time, because we feel there is so much we have to do. When all of the thoughts about what still needs to happen run through our minds, we stop being present and our breathing changes. A Sufi teacher once said to me that “Slowness is a divine thing and that we have lost the habit of it.” He also said that, “Breathing is the key to openness, peace and joy and to concentrate on the breath passing into the heart.”

Seems simple. Just breathe. That is my gift to myself – when I remember. There is always enough time for everything and if something doesn’t get done then I guess it wasn’t supposed to get done. I miss out on what is happening when I am not present to this breath. My body feels better, my mind is clear and I get to choose whether I enjoy this moment or not.

Just now I looked up and noticed the doll I got for Christmas when I was five years old.  Penelope’s head is cracked, her arms are taped, but she sits there, with a smile on her face, watching me live my life. She never gets impatient or short-tempered with me and is always available. Maybe it’s because she has been held and loved, cared for and appreciated. She just reminded me that is what the holidays are really about. We get to be with the people we love and express our joy in that togetherness.

I wish you all a holiday season full of love and peace and a new year filled with inspiration, expansion, creativity, health, joy and breath.

A young friend recently asked me why I thought he was having a problem choosing women. He would attract them, go out with them and then feel like they were the wrong ones. We talked about who he was being when he was attracting them. “Well”, he said, “ I put on what I think is my best face and then act accordingly.” He admitted that he never felt true to himself when he was trying to attract a woman. It was a kind of act he had become accustomed to using just for that purpose.

We talked about what he was looking for in a woman. To make a long story short, he realized that he wanted someone to fulfill him in a way that he was not fulfilling himself. He was looking outside of himself for someone to love and cherish him when he was not doing that for himself.

When we learn to love, appreciate, cherish and respect ourselves and satisfy the needs we have, we no longer need to search for that in someone else. A kind of peace and harmony with all things comes into being. Then the search is over. We can then just be who we are without adding or deleting anything.

In this authentic state just living our life and watching it unfold – being who we are in our fullness – that is what attracts to us the person who can truly see us and recognize us. NO work involved – because they see and love the true you. It’s very attractive to see a man/woman who is complete and not looking for someone to complete them – even though the romance novels would differ.

• What are you searching for outside of yourself?
• What act do you use to achieve your goals, whatever they may be?
• Who are you without these acts?

You can reach Siama at:  coachingwithsiama@yahoo.com

What I said then was: ‘Being a life coach is like being an athletic coach. An athletic coach is interested in supporting you in your performance in your sport. A life coach is interested in helping you clarify what is important to you and supporting you in the creation of its unfoldment and expression.

Actually, it is more than that. One of the things that I love best about the coaching process is that it gives a person the opportunity to get to know who they are and what they love and are good at. They discover their passion and their ability to make a difference in their own lives and in the lives of others.

Before beginning I give out a series of questions that starts the process of looking. They are questions about values and they take an inventory of your life and how it is functioning. Coaching is not psychoanalysis, counseling or advice. The life coach asks the questions that put the client in touch with the answers that may be hidden or undiscovered as yet.

There is a certain method for doing that and a coach is trained how to listen, so they know what to ask. I was trained twelve year ago by the Coaches Training Institute of San Rafael.  I learned how to create trust and a support system that promotes expansion in any arena that one chooses. A coach is an ally who serves you in being the best that you can be at anything you choose to express. It is not a process that takes forever. There is a goal that is set and reachable. Some goals are achieved in a couple of months while other take longer.

For example, I just completed the coaching process with a man in Atlanta who was miserable because every day he went to a job that he hated. He had a daughter in college and a big mortgage with lots of bills. His insurance job did pay all the bills, even though the cost was killing his spirit. He knew he had to do something, but could not fathom how he could make any changes and he was also scared to try.

I did a free sample coaching session with him during which he identified the impact hating his job was having on his life and imagined what it would be like to do something that mattered to him. He got inspired when he talked about the things he loved and what life would be like if he woke up each day without the dread of a job he disliked. Now, three years later, after much hard work and discovering the courage, commitment and intention he never knew he had, he wakes up excited about getting to work. He is still a salesperson; because he discovered he loved being with people and was good at helping them meet their needs. Now he is finding homes for families and is also making more money than ever before in his life.

Sometimes we have no idea about our inner strengths and we put up with situations because we don’t know what to do about it. Making changes is often frightening, until we discover the nature of our fear. Life coaching creates a relationship that supports and empowers change.

Questions:

1. What would you change about your life if you could?
2. What is standing in the way to doing just that?
3. How would your life be different if you made the change?